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22 April 2009 @ 03:08 pm
Michelle is cooking dinner  

Dear Captain Jack, what should I cook for dinner tonight? I need suggestions. I hate my kitchen. GRATEFUL FOR ANY HELP. Love Michelle.
 



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Hey, thanks for assuming I can cook. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but I don't.

I'm the kind of person you go to when you need to fix a busted star-drive. I get a call on the red priority phone when the Prime Minister needs something shot hard in the face. You don't waste me on making omelettes.

I never had to fend for myself. Somebody will always make food for you. Stop cooking and you'll notice how much other people will do just because they love you.

Where I'm from (the future) your Mom cooks for you until you're old enough to go into the military. At that point you're issued vacuum-sealed bags that heat automatically when you tear them open.

By the way, that's only if you tear them open at the top where the arrow is. If you tear them at the bottom the macaroni will float out into zero g. :-(

During the Blitz I was your man for a tin of beans. I always had a spoon and a tin-opener in my pocket. I still carry them in case I come across something delicious out in the field.

It happens more than you think!

I also like soup. You can drink it straight out of a mug and still look smooth. I liked to lean against the wall in the canteen, sipping my soup, one hand in my pocket, winking at pretty girls over the rim of the mug. This is a hot look on me.

All the other chaps looked awkward balancing bowls on their laps, cloth napkins tucked in over their ties, fiddling with spoons. Oh sorry, did they serve soup in bowls at Eton? Losers!

Listen, you seem like a capable person. I'm going to explain to you how to figure out how to cook something awesome without asking your butler for help or permission.

It's like teaching a man to fish so that he can eat fish every day instead of giving him a reloadable gift card for fish.

Michelle, go straight to Google!

Think of something you're in the mood for and ask Google how to cook it.

Type your thoughts in the box and Google will give you some suggestions.

HEY, HOW DO I COOK CHICKEN? LOL.

Sometimes Google will throw something weird back at you... Like this suggestion about boiling chicken.

Don't take any shit from Google, you demand an answer! Scream for an answer like you're interrogating a sleeper agent.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOIL CHICKEN?

Okay Google can be contradictory. Just like the Bible.

Now it's saying you should NEVER boil meat!

Time for a straight answer from these bastards...

SHOULD I BOIL MEAT? WTF.

Hot dogs? I haven't had those in ages. Not a bad idea, Google.

HOT DOGS CARDIFF

WHOA! Ok. Discouraging. Fucking hell. I'm starving.

I've been Googling for minutes and I'm no closer to eating. I demand an explanation!

FOOD. I JUST WANT SOME FOOD.


Well look at that. I guess boiling food is seriously the way to go. I wouldn't have thought so just by guessing.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You can use Google as much as you want and it is free. There is no such thing as a "Google Tax".

Toshiko had me putting 50p in the Google Tax Jar every time I googled but that turned out to be a fucking prank. After two years of Google Tax paying I caught her giggling about it with Owen.

Yrs helpfully,

Cpt. Jack Harkness

 



 
 
My 51st century feelings today : hungryhungry
 
 
 
Gwen Cooper: Concernedgwen_e_cooper on April 22nd, 2009 07:30 pm (UTC)
Google Tax isn't real?

Tosh charged me £23.50 for my fairy research.

What did she spend it on, blowouts?
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 07:36 pm (UTC)
SUCKER! You got pwned by a nerd. That's the most funny way to be pwned.

Of course there isn't a Google Tax! The only real tax we have to pay is the Ironing and Bleaching Tax. It makes sense when you think about it. The government needs to keep track of how much starch the nation is using.
(no subject) - capulet_rose on April 22nd, 2009 07:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 07:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - capulet_rose on April 22nd, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gwen_e_cooper on April 22nd, 2009 07:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neifile7 on April 23rd, 2009 03:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
lawsontllawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC)
You would be so screwed if there was a lube tax.

Then again, no...you wouldn't! *laughing at self*
Ianto Jones: lulzask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 07:46 pm (UTC)
Olive oil sales would skyrocket.
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 07:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on April 24th, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 24th, 2009 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 07:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ianto Jones: boyfriendask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 07:53 pm (UTC)
Is this why there are four stock pots of water boiling on the Torchwood stove, Jack?

Also, that tax maybe how Tosh afforded those gorgeous Tiffany diamond earrings. MYSTERY SOLVED!

The wikipedia tax is still real, though.
lawsontllawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 07:57 pm (UTC)
One might suspect how you afford such nice suits on the egregiously low pay of a Torchwood employee, Mr. Jones. Who, exactly, collects the Ironing and Bleaching Tax from the team?
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - 51stcenturyfox on April 22nd, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - 51stcenturyfox on April 22nd, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - 51stcenturyfox on April 22nd, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gwen_e_cooper on April 22nd, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - 51stcenturyfox on April 22nd, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
CAPTAIN John Hartoh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC)
Youth wather ith boithing

I tathe testheth!


ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC)
HEY THAT HOT HAM WATER IS FOR EVERYONE. Save some for us. Christ!
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xtricks on April 22nd, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - 51stcenturyfox on April 22nd, 2009 08:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xtricks on April 22nd, 2009 08:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 09:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - amethisttomoe on April 23rd, 2009 02:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
timeagencytimeagency on April 22nd, 2009 08:06 pm (UTC)
Goodness, why not just tell her to go to the Food Processor and say, "Autochef, please make something for my entire family that we will all enjoy and benefit from"? Left to its own devices, the average Food Processor will almost always produce a nice roast beast with a side of starchy tubers. And a green salad.

They are still eating chicken in the 21st century? Wow, when does the PLAID (Poultry Liberation Army-Irradiated Division) start its actions? Hopefully there's a good century still to go. I'll check the timelines later.
lawsontllawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC)
PLAID is still more or less underground. Though there are rumours of a Chicken Finger Rebellion forming. I hear it's likely to be rather saucy.
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - timeagency on April 22nd, 2009 09:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - timeagency on April 22nd, 2009 09:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neifile7 on April 23rd, 2009 03:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 23rd, 2009 11:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neifile7 on April 23rd, 2009 12:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - timeagency on April 22nd, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
madder_rose: pic#80173663madder_rose on April 22nd, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC)
See, Michelle's problem is that she has not yet figured out what to do with herself once she has left her mother and finished her stint in the military. Simple: MOVE BACK HOME!
My life has been so much simpler since I moved back home. The secret is that all parents (when having their first baby) receive a magical fridge. The fridge is magical because it refills about once a week. I don't know how this happens, but it does. They also receive a magical stove that cooks the food for you, and a table that sets itself.

Since I will never have babies of my own I will never receive such a magical appliance. This is why I moved back home. On the plus side, the magical appliances feed me, and my rack shall stay forever perky.

If only parents would also receive a magical hoover and washing machine....
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
Good idea. FOR MICHELLE.

But not my staff. Don't encourage my people to move home with thoughts of magical fridges. Torchwood is for life!

Do you need a baby in order to get this magic fridge? We need to do something about ours. Every morning Gwen stumbles in, throws the fridge door open and stands in front of it staring...Staring...

Captain Jack: HEY GWEN. WATCHA LOOKING FOR?

Gwen: I don't know.

(I don't have a gap in my teeth so I can't do the accent)

Captain Jack: Are you hungry?

Gwen: I guess so.

Captain Jack: What are you hungry for?

Gwen: I don't know!

Captain Jack: Do you see anything you like? What's in there? Anything good? Anything new? Is there any cheese?

Gwen: SHUT UP JACK IT'S TOO EARLY FOR CONVERSATION!

You see what I put up with, kids.
(no subject) - madder_rose on April 22nd, 2009 08:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - madder_rose on April 22nd, 2009 08:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xtricks on April 22nd, 2009 08:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xtricks on April 22nd, 2009 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 11:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xtricks on April 22nd, 2009 09:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xtricks on April 22nd, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 22nd, 2009 11:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lawsontl on April 22nd, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - madder_rose on April 22nd, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 23rd, 2009 12:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 23rd, 2009 12:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_arealdoctor on April 22nd, 2009 11:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - madder_rose on April 22nd, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gwen_e_cooper on April 23rd, 2009 07:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_aboutcoffee on April 23rd, 2009 11:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 23rd, 2009 12:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gwen_e_cooper on April 22nd, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - oh_doask on April 22nd, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gwen_e_cooper on April 22nd, 2009 08:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
and a little bit foxy: little more sonickitty_cate on April 22nd, 2009 08:25 pm (UTC)
Really, now, Jack! Cooking is as easy as shooting something in the face pointblank, and baking's just a touch harder than that (like shooting something in the face from 100 meters). It's how we make all the delicious nommin's, like croissanwiches (I know how you love those), cake, pie, whipped cream, pudding, frosting, hamburgers, bacon, et cetera!

And I've heard recently (on the internet, so the credibility is dubious) that there might be a Blood-Stain Removal tax coming soon as well! Might want to ask Ianto about that one.
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
Cooking doesn't seem easy, Kitty. For instance, I've got FOUR stock pots boiling because it didn't seem right to put different kinds of meat in one pot.

So there's a pot to boil ham. A pot to boil chicken. A pot to boil steak. And a pot to boil quail. That's complicated! And I haven't even done the accompanying sauces.
(no subject) - kitty_cate on April 22nd, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Kathie D: :-Pkathie_d on April 22nd, 2009 09:09 pm (UTC)
Wow, huh. I think you are struggling for good questions to answer. I'm gonna have to cook you up a few...
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 09:13 pm (UTC)
Michelle could have asked me "Why am I still single Captain Jack?" or "How do you fly a Cessna 172?"

This cooking question must have been really important to her. 21st century concerns, huh! They are so LOL when you consider what's coming up in a few years...
woman_of_: Red Braces Jackwoman_of_ on April 22nd, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC)
Wow, so much boiled food, should be a tax on it as well. Was that not mentioned in the budget.

The fanfiction tax it true, I heard it on the budget speech. It is layed depending on the rating. NC 17 is the highest
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC)
Oh man. There's going to be a lot of "fade to black" coming up for the fan fiction writers.

'Harry Potter tore his top off and threw himself on Prof. Dumbledore's hot body...

...The next day, they had bagels!'
(no subject) - smirnoffmule on April 22nd, 2009 09:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 09:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - smirnoffmule on April 22nd, 2009 09:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neifile7 on April 23rd, 2009 04:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
hab318princess on April 22nd, 2009 09:47 pm (UTC)
good on Tosh for her tax, I hope she had a good time on it - and you a con man, how did you fall for that

secondly - I got cooking lessons from my mother and mother in law - a lot cheaper - or invest in cookery books

Delia apparently has books out which are aimed at new cooks
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 09:57 pm (UTC)
DELIA! :-D But can she be as helpful as Google? If I type into her books will she spit out awesome suggestions?
(no subject) - hab318princess on April 22nd, 2009 10:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thaddeusfavour on April 23rd, 2009 12:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 23rd, 2009 12:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
10_rose: Donna: Defender of Reality10_rose on April 22nd, 2009 09:49 pm (UTC)
Usually I throw a chicken into a pan and put it in the oven until Mum says it's done. If it doesn't come in a box, I don't know how to make it.
smirnoffmule on April 22nd, 2009 09:52 pm (UTC)
What if your mum isn't home? Wait until the fire department tells you it's done?
(no subject) - 10_rose on April 23rd, 2009 02:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - 10_rose on April 23rd, 2009 02:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
thaddeusfavour on April 22nd, 2009 11:26 pm (UTC)
This is a hot look on me.

Jack, they're all hot looks on you.

If you tear them at the bottom the macaroni will float out into zero g. :-(

I cried. I literally cried here. If this was a movie, it would move the hearts of millions.


ask_captainjack: NO!ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:34 pm (UTC)
Tell me about it Thaddeus. Is there anything sadder than dropped or floating food?

I hate when I open shit at the wrong end.

Yesterday I had a box of cadbury buttons. Inside was 7 "treatsized" bags. PERFECT FOR CRAMMING INTO THE SUV CUPHOLDER for those times I need a treat after shooting something in the face.

I opened the box at the wrong end. The treatsized bags fell out and Hart skittered over and crammed them in his mouth before I could even scream: "MY TREATSIZED BAGS!"
(no subject) - tintop_lizzy on April 22nd, 2009 11:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 22nd, 2009 11:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tintop_lizzy on April 23rd, 2009 12:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thaddeusfavour on April 23rd, 2009 12:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ask_captainjack on April 23rd, 2009 12:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
ask_captainjack: Sexyask_captainjack on April 23rd, 2009 12:00 am (UTC)
"Almost in Canada" is such an intriguing and sexy qualification. Are you going to cook me elk? NO. Reindeer!
Dru: Jack/Coffeedru_evilista on April 23rd, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
Here's what you do: Go to the store(Or send your sexy butler, and/or mom), buy peanut butter and bread.
Come home.
Put peanut butter on the bread using a butter knife, spoon, or your finger(If no one else is going to eat the peanut butter but you.
Eat.

Tada! Does not get any easier then that, and keep you fed for days. Or you can always just go to the fridge and find something your dad made last night at dinner. (I am lazy, and would so totally die of malnutrition, if I didn't still live with my parents who still cook like their feeding a army and leave tons of leftovers in fridge, lol)
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 23rd, 2009 01:47 am (UTC)
Good suggestion. Peanut butter is delicious!

I had them make Gwen's GEWN perfume out of it.
(no subject) - bone_lady on April 23rd, 2009 02:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gwen_e_cooper on April 23rd, 2009 07:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neifile7 on April 23rd, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Bones: O.obone_lady on April 23rd, 2009 02:47 am (UTC)
Oh my dear Capt. Since when did you take these questions. Goodness. What should I cook for dinner? Either way I love your response. Maybe she was hoping you would say, "why no try me for dinner. I'm high in carbs, low in fat, and..."

Cooking isn't hard really...Ms. Hudson always made lovely dishes...baked quail, delicious curries, the best prime rib and yorkshire pudding, and goodness the shepards pie...However, I digress. There are lovely recipes out there that will make any able-bodied male an excellent cook. Even Holmes has been a chef once or twice whilst working undercover for her Majesty.

Really I deal in death, you wouldn't want my hands in your pot, regardless of how clean they were....

I say I hear they are raising the tax to 50% for persons who make over 150,000 pounds a year. I certainly hope you lot are outside the gov't.

Google tax? *chuckles* Actually I find the e-bay tax appalling.
ask_captainjackask_captainjack on April 23rd, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
I'm fond of a delicious Christmas goose, myself.

Particularly if there's a blue carbuncle in the crop!
(no subject) - bone_lady on April 23rd, 2009 03:05 am (UTC) (Expand)